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Thursday, June 2nd, 2005

Posted by:peg_thebois.
Time:10:31 am.
Mood: bitchy.
Hi, new to this group. A while ago while I was out drinking, this pinhead was coming on-to me so I made him a bet, if he could chug two pints faster than me I would go home with him. When he lost I made him lick my shoes right there in the bar. I even flicked the ash of my cigarette in his hair while he was doing it. Me and my girlfriends also tricked a boy who one of my girls is seeing into walking around the block in a borrowed pair of heels. We then locked him out and told him he could walk the 15 blocks home because we weren't paying for a cab after buying his broke ass drinks all night at the bar.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Thursday, March 17th, 2005

Subject:Don't mess with the West(ies)
Posted by:screamingfoetus.
Time:11:30 pm.
Mood: naughty.
Today I drove to Sydney as it was wet and I had to carry many things to TAFE, and in Sydney there is hardly any parking, either $2.20/hour meter parking or $11 for the whole day in a seedy parking block.

Anyhow the parking block was full so I drove along and found a park right next to TAFE, so I did a U turn which turned into a 3 point turn due to my mad heavy old car. So while I was turning some motherfucker in a Hyundai raced in and sniped my spot. I beeped and gave him the bird then drove off only to find another car park on the other side of the block.

Joke was on the sniper cause I knew where his car was but he didn't know where mine was, so I went back and gave him some speed stripes up the side of his car to help him get his next spot a bit quicker. Heh.
Comments: Read 2 orAdd Your Own.

Thursday, October 7th, 2004

Subject:New community for mocking
Posted by:mockingmod.
Time:1:10 pm.
Want to make fun of someone's LiveJournal? Here's the place:


Come. Mock. Laugh.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Thursday, August 5th, 2004

Subject:new and stuff.
Posted by:ex_b_i_n_g_o384.
Time:7:24 pm.
Mood: amused.
you know how sometimes you'll see that group of friends that links their arms together when they walk? well, i spotted one leaving the mall the other day, one of them tripped, taking down two others. haha suckers. havent laughed that hard in a long while.

Comments: Read 2 orAdd Your Own.

Friday, July 30th, 2004

Subject:"Shameful Joy"
Posted by:beauty_n_danger.
Time:1:09 am.
This is a poem I wrote a couple of weeks ago. Everyone tell me what they think... Ironically enough, it's called Shameful Joy...Collapse )

Comments: Add Your Own.

Wednesday, July 21st, 2004

Posted by:beauty_n_danger.
Time:11:07 pm.
Mood: pleased.
Last week this girl pissed me off so bad. She's one of those people that when they get that little bit of authority they abuse it. I got my revenge by finding out where she lives, slashing her tires, and with the knife used to slash her tires, Iscratched "BITCH" into the driver's side of her car so deep that you could see the metal! Can you imagine how much money that cost to fix it??!!

What do you all think?

By the way, I'm new.

Comments: Read 2 orAdd Your Own.

Thursday, July 22nd, 2004

Posted by:screamingfoetus.
Time:1:17 am.
Mood: predatory.
My estranged father got a $203 speeding fine and another $73 for having obscured number plates. I found out when I let myself into his house to take stuff. Suck it baby.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Tuesday, July 20th, 2004

Subject:Suck it, bastard.
Posted by:gemdot.
Time:2:37 pm.
I've just been forced to quit my job at a video store due to the cuntishness of my boss. Cuntishness that you wouldn't believe...
I visited a nearby franchise that he used to own the other day, and found out that he's being sued for shonky business practises in a little while.

It's good to know karmas come back to take a hunk out of his arse, but sort of a shame that I won't be around to see it.
Comments: Read 2 orAdd Your Own.

Posted by:screamingfoetus.
Time:2:01 am.
Mood: accomplished.
This fat bitch at my work broke down after work (11pm) and I lied and said I had no jumper leads to help her out cause I wanted her to wait in the cold and dark for hours for the NRMA. Hah.
Comments: Read 2 orAdd Your Own.

Monday, July 19th, 2004

Subject:Rooting like rabbits
Posted by:screamingfoetus.
Time:12:19 am.
Yesterday, I was holding my female rabbit and my buck rabbit was sniffing around, stamping his feet and tapping on his cage being jealous. As he had bitten me the day before (and drawn blood the bastard) I held Petunia up to the wire cage and let him lick her nose, then let her walk on top of his cage so he could see and smell her. He went really cranky and started running around his cage, stamping his feet and chewing the wire, it was so funny to see an animal in full sexual frustration.

A few weeks prior to this, both rabbits were in the yard and I caught Sweep trying to fuck Petunia, lucky I pulled him off before he broke her seal. Unlucky, he jizzed on her back. It looks like human jizz but I wasn't up for a taste test. He had a rabbit stiffie which looked like a hibiscus stamen with a miniature penis head on the end. Sickening. I will never look at one the same again.

Comments: Read 7 orAdd Your Own.

Saturday, May 1st, 2004

Subject:Funnest thing in 5 years ive herd i tell you..
Posted by:sjwt.
Time:2:08 am.
Marie at work is a 60ish year old woman,
or shild as the case may be.

she bugs me, a hell of a lot,
luckly she isnt my superior,
unluckly she thinks she is, and none of the managers
have the guts to tell her otherwise.

Read more...Collapse )

and that was it, i was on the ground littaly ROLFLMA with tears
streaming out of my eyes for 5-10 mins..
Comments: Read 3 orAdd Your Own.

Posted by:screamingfoetus.
Time:12:08 am.
Mood: amused.

Rarely have I giggled all afternoon for so long.

I went to the record shop in Belconnen today because I wanted to buy some clear CD cases.

I got to the counter and asked for ten. The dude went out the back and rummaged around for a while, finally producing them. $2.50 each. Fine, I say, and prepare to get $25 out of my wallet.

The manager walks past and says "We're selling the Bec Cartwright CD for $2. If you bought ten of those you'd save money".

First thought through my head was "who the fuck is Bec Cartwright?". I'd heard the name and had some idea she was a minor celebrity but beyond that I had no idea who she was.

Anyway, I bought 'em. Without doubt, this is the strangest musical purchase I've ever made. But ultimately, it was cheaper. I mean, that there says quite a bit about the quality of the music - her CD is cheaper than a blank case.

I got back to work and asked if anyone knew who she was. Turns out she's a soapie actress. No wonder she thinks she can sing and whistle under water as well.


I now have nine copies of the Bec Cartwright CD sitting on my bed, with the extra one in the PC now. I'm listening to it. To say it's appalling would be an understatement. It leaves Cameron Daddo's "Four-and-a-half Minutes of Shit" for dead.

heh heh heh.
Comments: Read 3 orAdd Your Own.

Friday, April 23rd, 2004

Subject:four things I hate about that stupid fucking bitch.
Posted by:interloper.
Time:12:01 pm.
I work on the checkouts in a shitty southside supermarket, with all the aging, unemployed bogan types and arsehole public servants from the immediate vicinity coming in every second thursday to spend their welfare cheques and APS 3 pay packets respectively. There's this one lady who we all hate more than anything else, for reasons including, but not limited to:

1) She's a complete plastic bag maverick/nazi who either never agrees on our style of packing or takes all the groceries out of the plastic bags and spends ten fucking minutes carefully placing several dozen items in the oversized back pack she always carries around every time she's in the store, while a big queue lines up along your register giving us shitty looks as if we're somehow to blame for her sociopathic behaviour;
2) On the occasions she does get a trolley, she takes it with her two kilometres up the road and doesn't bring it back, leaving her angry neighbours to make irate phone calls to us, ordering us to come and pick up the shopping trolley she's left right in the fucking middle of a major arterial road;
3) She never says anything to us, despite all initial concerted efforts to be friendly, unless she orders one of us to fetch her some Winfield Gold rolling tobacco (which she does in a tone of voice somewhere in between the sound of the screeching of those little monkey creatures from the Wizard of Oz, and the aural equivalent of being turned into stone by Medusa);
4) Like everyone else who comes through our store, she's a complete condescending bitch who assumes that because we have such menial jobs, we must be naturally inferior to her and her Winfield Gold rolling tobacco smoking ways.

Anyhow, as on every public service pay day, she came in about ten o'clock at night, scowling at us as she worked her way up and down the aisles. By all rights I shouldn't have been working, as I had the sinus cavity equivalent of ebola virus and I couldn't go two minutes without sneezing up phlegm, tar or some other miscellaneous bodily fluid; but I needed the money and I'm sick of the Spanish Inquisition every fucking time I call in sick.

So, after ten minutes of arguing about who should serve her when she finally gets up here, I pulled the short straw (in a rigged contest, you fucking bastards), and I opened up to wait for her. She finally rolls up, doing her evil eye bullshit, and she starts plonking down vegetables that haven't been wrapped up in plastic bags, presumably because she's doing her part to save the world (which is completely ironic because she's a misanthropic trollope).

Right then I sneeze, and all of a sudden on the palm of my hand is a gigantic, viscose ball of mucous. Mucous so disgusting, off-coloured and pathogen-ridden that I almost start dry-retching just looking at it. I stand there looking at my hand disgustedly for what seemed like a long time, then started to reach for a tissue to get rid of it, when I see out of the corner of my eye that this stupid fucking bint has not seen any of what just happened, she's too engrossed in the latest tabloid sex scandal. I pick up a nice clump of broad beans, making sure to smear the bodily fluid in question all over them without being too obvious. Then the broccoli, then the carrots, then the apples...

I hope you get sick and die you evil, evil woman.
Comments: Read 8 orAdd Your Own.

Tuesday, April 20th, 2004

Posted by:screamingfoetus.
Time:12:20 am.
Mood: amused.

The world boss of McDonalds died of a heart attack.
Comments: Read 2 orAdd Your Own.

Sunday, March 21st, 2004

Posted by:screamingfoetus.
Time:10:24 pm.
Mood: impressed.
Recently I have been working the shittiest job, doing a "seafood close" which is where I have to lug about a tonne of fish and ice out of a window, clean it all out and clean the whole fuckin thing.

So the other night I got bawled out by some anally retentive large headed fat fuck retail food manager because there wasn't enough ice on the fucking fish, so when it came to icing the fish I thought I would ice that fucker good.

I covered the fish up to the top of the container and packed the ice down, then sprayed it with water so it would form a thick, solid crust and Manager Peestink would have to spend the morning chiselling individual prawns out of a block of ice. Mwahaha!
Comments: Read 3 orAdd Your Own.

Friday, March 12th, 2004

Posted by:screamingfoetus.
Time:12:54 am.
Mood: amused.
Recently I saw a drag queen tottering across an empty dance floor strewn with bottles on a pair of ridiculous heels, and inevitably she trod on an empty bottle and nearly slipped over, but the best bit was she screamed out AAAAARGH in her man voice as she slipped.
Comments: Read 2 orAdd Your Own.

Thursday, February 26th, 2004

Posted by:screamingfoetus.
Time:9:43 pm.
Mood: nostalgic.
A recent post made me think of this.

when I was in primary school, there was a kid called Gareth Hamilton Foster (I think) but Gareth Hamilton foster may also have been some rich cunt.

anyway this other Gareth from primary wanted to be a famous rapper, and his rap name was going to be Cold Ripple. I used to mock him and call him OLD CRIPPLE and he used to get really cut.
Comments: Read 1 orAdd Your Own.

Monday, February 23rd, 2004

Posted by:recalcitrant.
Time:4:02 pm.
Mood: bitchy.
Hello you mean cunts :p

The cuntiest one of them all madamemutilator sent me here. How I have laughed at the misfortune of others.

My fave is laughing at mean shit happening to children - particularly brats.

I thought I'd post some "Deep Thoughts" by Jack Handy.

"It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man."

"One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh, no," I said. "Disneyland burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that deep down, he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late."
Comments: Read 3 orAdd Your Own.

Saturday, February 21st, 2004

Posted by:screamingfoetus.
Time:1:06 am.
Mood: irritated.
Hans Moleman Presents:


shameful_joy has hit all new lows by relying on quotes from pop culture! Hold people at gunpoint, make them join shameful_joy then post about them shitting their pants.

Or just make them join.
Comments: Read 2 orAdd Your Own.

Tuesday, February 3rd, 2004

Subject:Robert Smith gave birth to a ham, apparently.
Posted by:reggie_p.
Time:7:06 pm.
Dear Mrs. Horrible Hat: Your face is taking up too much bandwidth.
Comments: Read 1 orAdd Your Own.

LiveJournal for Keepin' it MEAN.

View:User Info.
You're looking at the latest 20 entries. Missed some entries? Then simply jump back 20 entries.